Protection

As most of you know I have a pet rabbit. Rabbits are prone to RZV. RZV or Rodent Zombifing Virus is a serious disease. A bit like rabies, but with a vengeance and style. Rabbits aren't really rodents (they are lagomorphs) but they are still affected RZV. It turns soft, playful bunny into a vicious killer with nasty, big, pointy teeth. There is unfortunately no cure, the rabbit (or hamster, gerbil, degu, marmot, squirrel, etc...) has to be put down.

Blades of any kind are useless as the zombie rabbit can leap yards and decapitate with a single bite. Firearms do not fare any better owing to the fact that the zombie rabbit is already quite dead. I suppose a large rock or boulder could be toppled onto the rabbit. It isn't practical, however, because of the logistics involved and the zombie rabbits cunning. There is one recorded instance of a Broadchalke (Wiltshire, England) man fighting off a zombie rabbit using a sock containing a half-brick. This, however, should be considered an exception rather than a rule. Carrying a half brick around, though, is always a good idea.

The Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog (now thought to be a rabbit infected by RZV) is the only zombie rabbit ever confirmed to be killed. In the account, King Arthur and his knights defeat the rabbit by using the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.

I began my research on Holy Hand grenades with that snippet of information. Other interesting facts: it was carried to the battlefield by Brother Maynard, it was made (or found) in Antioch as the name suggest and its use is described in the Book of Armaments, Chapter 2, verses 9–21.

After years of study and sifting for clues in ancient manuscripts, I have found out that there is more than one Holy Hand Grenade. In fact, there are seven hand grenades. Ignatius, the third bishop of Antioch, describes the blessing of seven orbs rendering them Holy. It is possible that by translation the term orb was rendered as hand grenade. The seven orbs (or hand grenades) where given the seven names of the Archangels.

The surviving example of the Book of Armaments was written in Antioch at a much later date. It is believed to have been written at the School of Antioch from an earlier text that could be contemporary to Ignatius of Antioch. This suggests that the function of the orbs was well known from the very beginning and that they were possibly created with that express intent. I will not bore you further with my research.

I was able to acquire a Holy Hand Grenade through channels I will not mention. It was smuggled out of a chapel in Ethiopia some time during the Italian occupation. My source discovered it in Verona (so I am told) and acquired it. The box with which it is carried about is engraved with the legend "Uriel". It is not known which Holy Hand Grenade the Knights of the Round Table used to defeat the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog. I feel secure in the knowledge that if ever my bunny contracts RZV I now possess the means to protect myself.